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Not my RealityFrom Reality TV to the Election, where are the Asian Pacific Americans, anyway?
ANN ARBOR - October 5, 2004 - In one of the earliest Reality TV successes, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?, dozens of beautiful women competed, beauty pageant style, for a chance to marry a millionaire bachelor hidden behind a screen. All they knew about him was that he was a millionaire, and I think they were also given vague assurances that he was not really old and decrepit. What would have happened if, at the end of the show, after the final quivering blond woman was chosen, the millionaire was revealed as a handsome, tall, rich Asian American computer mogul? I can see her face drop, confused glances around the room asking, “Is this a joke?” I can almost hear the relieved sighs and snickers of the women not chosen. I can see the angry racist emails of viewers offended that a nice white girl would be tricked into such an unnatural union. It had never occurred to anyone that he might be Asian. His voice from behind the screen sounded “totally American.” They took it for granted that the bachelor would be white. If you do not believe me, imagine instead Meet My Folks and its offshoots, Who Wants to Marry my Dad/Mom? where parents chose partners for their children and children chose partners for their parents—but with an Asian American potential mate or two. I can see the families trying to be polite, quietly asking, “Does she speak English?” and “What does he eat?” and “Oh no! Where did the dog go?” Aiya, too much reality for me. I do not have to imagine very hard to know that they would certainly choose a white mate for their child/parent. That is too simple, too obvious. Now, what if they had to choose between two Asian Americans? Would they even be able to tell them apart? Or what if an Asian family was choosing? How many white people could pass the “Joy-Luck Club dinner test” to see if they can make it through a meal without pouring soy sauce over everything? Or would it just degenerate into a Fear Factor show about eating chicken’s feet and fish heads? Grrr.
Not My RealityI do not watch Reality TV shows because they do not reflect my reality. Instead, they really offend my Asian American sensibilities. Although there may be an Asian American or African American here or there, the shows are primarily about beautiful white people choosing other beautiful white people, and I ruin them for myself by imagining Asian Americans screwing up the formula. I am especially offended because the person doing the choosing is always white, and I simply do not have time for white people’s rejection or neuroses. We cannot even get onto The Player, the inter-racial dating reality show where a white woman chooses among hunks of color—but not even one is Asian American. All we can manage is William Hung on American Idol. Aiya! Too much reality for me. At first, I found Reality TV just a nuisance, but with the upcoming presidential elections, I am becoming increasingly resentful of being left out of everyone else’s “Reality.” Like Reality TV, the two campaigns might occasionally nod in our direction, trotting Sec. of Labor Elaine Chao onto the stage for a moment, but really they are just a beauty pageant for white people choosing other white people. To bring a bunch of us onto the stage and address our concerns openly, in front of the whole country, would probably alienate white voters and bring disaster onto any campaign.
The Image and the Sound BiteThis is the first time I watched both the Democratic and the Republican National Conventions. After the Democratic National Convention, I felt excited and inspired and optimistic. Everything seemed to make so much sense. They really had a plan; things were going to change for the better. However, after the Republican National Convention, I was confused because on the surface, it sounded like the Republicans were saying exactly the same thing as the Democrats (except in a meaner tone). One African American speaker at the Republican convention even said something like, “I was going to say x, y, and z, but (an African American speaker at the Democratic National Convention) already said it for me.” Without a point by point checklist, it was difficult for me to sort out what each side was saying exactly, and which was true. For example, the Kerry side criticizes Bush by saying that there are fewer jobs than ever before, and the Bush side says that unemployment is lower than ever. The Kerry side blames Bush for the terrible state of the economy, and the Bush side takes credit for how well the economy is recovering. How can both be true, and which is worse? I know that the difference is a matter of how they are defining their terms. I am a reasonably intelligent person with a graduate degree, but I do not have energy to play word games. Four kids, two jobs, a dog and a house and husband leave me little time to tease out the technical and hidden nuances of each position. All I can really do is go with the side that “feels” right to me, the candidate that “looks” more like a President—even though I know that much of it is constructed and over-produced, like a Reality TV show. I am ashamed of myself. That is no way to vote.
Whose Reality is it Anyways?At the end of the Republican convention, one political commentator said that people will vote for the candidate whose version of reality best matches their own. I can see how that may be true. When I was younger, I really thought my candidates were better and the other candidates were crazy or idiots. I could not understand how people could be so stupid as to vote for bad people. Now, for the first time, I begin to see what others might see in the other candidate. For example, although I thought Sen. Kerry did a great job in the first debate, looking strong, intelligent and articulate, I could also see what people saw in President Bush—convivial, easy-going, the nice guy who lives next door. Post-debate polls show that people who already supported Kerry said he obviously won, and people who already supported Bush thought obviously he won. People see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear. However, I am Asian American, and my reality and my concerns are different from those of the mainstream. What about my concerns—civil liberties, hate crimes, immigration policies, glass ceiling, etc.? President Bush totally blew off the 80-20 Initiative & PAC, and while Sen. Kerry endorsed their concerns, he does not talk about it much. Are they afraid of alienating Midwestern white voters by talking to me? Or do they just not get us? (See below, “80-20 endorses Kerry for President, with reservations”.) When an Asian American friend asked various campaigns how they planned to reach out to voters of color, she was told that they planned to deliver Meals on Wheels and go into the prisons. They were surprised when she informed them that not all people of color are poor or in jail, that there are indeed middle-class and professional Asian Americans, many of whom even speak English. She was torn between helping them because someone had to do it, and justifying how she was going to explain to the Asian Americans, “I am here because the white people are too scared to come themselves.” In Kerry’s speech at the Democratic convention, during what Emil Guillermo calls his “most Asian American moment …[coming closest to] almost talking about Asian Americans,” the Senator talked about how when he was on that boat in Vietnam, nobody cared about anybody else’s race or background, they were literally all in that boat together. I think, however, that if an Asian American had been in the group, he would have cared very much about his race and background. Even if the others did not care, he would care and be careful to not get killed by “friendly fire”. (Senator Kerry went on to conduct a detailed interview with Guillermo's publisher, AsianWeek, linked below.) There I go again, messing up the nice picture of the beautiful people. Well, that’s my reality for you. It is one thing for a Reality TV show executive to tell me that Asian Americans are bad TV and no one (that is, no white people) will watch. However, it is something completely different for the President of the United States to tell me the same. I feel like I should take the advice of the hot new book, He’s Just Not That into You, and stop waiting by the phone. But where else can I go?
Readings of Related Interest @ AAV
Recommended Readings from Elsewhere
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