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Asian American Rites of Passage - Revisited
"You Know You're an Asian American Parent When…"
By Frances Kai-Hwa Wang, Asian American Village
Contributing Editor
Editor's Note: In 1998, Frances Kai-Hwa
Wang contributed a series of short humorous articles on the theme "Asian
American Rites of Passage," beginning with the article "You know you've become an adult when...".
As the long-time parenting expert on the Village, she was recently
persuaded to approach the topic again after the birth of her fourth
child and first son. If you haven't read the previous articles,
you may want to take a look
here.
Ann Arbor - May 2005 - Aileen’s son and my daughter, Niu Niu, were classmates at Chinese
School when I gave birth to my son. She was complimenting me on my nice
family—one daughter and one son—when I confessed that actually I had
four children. She stared at me and then deadpanned the question that
only another American Born Chinese (ABC) could ask, “What are you, an
overachiever?”
I realized that our "model minority" obsessive-compulsive Type-A
competitive overachiever tendencies may have followed us into the
parenting arena.
You think?
As Asian American parents, we are caught between our Asian heritage
and our American style, between how we were raised and what we read in
our (English language) books. We want our children to have all the
advantages we had when we were growing up, with none of the
disadvantages. We want them to be A-students and good musicians like we
were, sure, but also student body presidents and successful athletes.
Along the way, we hope to save some money and get rich, too.
You know you're an Asian American Parent when…
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1 |
You buy
your first 100 pound sack of rice! |
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2 |
You join Costco (or get an
extra card off your mom’s membership) and buy only in bulk. |
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3 |
You send
your kids to language school or Buddhist Sunday School or
after-school math classes (which you hated as a kid). You
also start their piano and violin lessons before
kindergarten. When you complain to your parents that the
kids won’t practice nicely, they just laugh. |
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4 |
Even though you know your
mom will criticize your home for being dirty (“Throw
everything away!”), your kids for being rotten (“My kids
never cried”), and you for looking so messy (“I’m going to
call Oprah to give you a makeover”), you look forward for
her visits because you know she will cook and clean and take
care of you and all the kids in that Superwoman Asian Mom
Sort of Way that you’re not sure you will ever master. |
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5 |
You find
yourself scolding your child in words you would never say in
English, but in your family’s language, it sounds normal,
even affectionate: “rotten egg,” “smelly monster,” “silly
melon,” “little farty ghost/demon,” and much worse. You also
decide you’re probably old enough to finally learn some real
bad words (or words for private body parts) that your
parents never taught you. |
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6 |
Lunar New Year, New Year,
Divali, Christmas, other holidays and birthdays are not fun
anymore because you are now the one who has to do all the
cooking and prepare all the gifts and red envelopes. You try
telling the kids, “Since we’re Buddhist now, we don’t have
to celebrate Christmas anymore,” or “When we were growing
up, we never had birthday parties. It’s not our culture. So
you don’t need to have one either.” |
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7 |
When
talking to other people’s kids, you instinctively refer to
yourself as “Auntie” or “Uncle,” and cringe when non-Asian
kids call you by your name, your first name. |
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8 |
Even though you hated
hand-me-downs, home-made clothes, and fake designer labels
from Asia when you were a kid, now as a parent you think
they are the only way to go! Free clothes! Cheap clothes!
Save money! |
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9 |
When your
cousin has a third baby, you are irresistibly pulled to want
a third or fourth child—part of that hyper-competitive,
overachiever complex that used to be a good thing when we
were trying to get into college, but now just leads to more
babies. |
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10 |
You and your APA friends
joke about how wonderful it would be if your kids got
married when they grow up so that you can be in-laws who
like each other and actually get along (You hated it when
your parents joked about that…and your kids are only 3 years
old!) |
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11 |
Late at
night, in the middle of winter, tired of surfing the Net for
parenting tips, you apply for business school (or law school
or grad school or a new job in California) and then panic
when you actually get accepted! Ahhh! Now what to do?!! |
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12 |
The
ultimate sign: Your child brings home a math exam and you
exclaim, “What? ONLY 106 percent?!!!” |
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Please email us with your favorite signs and symptoms!
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Related Readings of Interest by Frances Kai-Hwa
Wang
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Asian American Rites of Passage
You know you've become an adult when...
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Your First Apartment
"Moving out of the dorms? Starting a new job in a new city?
Here is what you will need if you are a young Asian American setting
up your first apartment or home…"
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Frances Kai-Hwa Wang
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 Frances
Kai-Hwa Wang is a second-generation Chinese American from California
who now divides her time between Michigan and the Big Island of
Hawaii. She is currently an acting editor for IMDiversity.com's
Asian-American Village,
where she writes most frequently on culture, family, arts, and
lifestyles topics. Her articles have appeared in Pacific Citizen,
Asian Reader, Nikkei West, Sampan, Mavin, Eurasian Nation, and
various Families with Children from China publications. She has also
worked in anthropology and international development in Nepal, and
in nonprofits and small business start-ups in the US. She is also
the Outreach Coordinator of the Ann Arbor Chinese Center of Michigan
and a much sought public speaker. She has four children. She can be reached at
fkwang@aol.com.
IMDiversity.com is committed to presenting diverse points of view.
However, the viewpoint expressed in this article is the opinion of
the author and is not necessarily the viewpoint of the owners or
employees at IMD.
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