Finding a Boyfriend for My Vietnamese Mom -- Online

After breaking up with her boyfriend, a woman decides her daughter will help her peruse the online personals

New America Media, Youth Commentary, Thuy Ngo, Posted: Jan 21, 2007

SAN JOSE, Calif.--When I asked my mom recently what she wanted for her birthday, she gave me the most unexpected answer: she wanted my help in getting her on the online dating superhighway.

Her request for a personal ad as a gift was nothing like the perfume or flowers I usually get her. I didn't know what to say. She had just gotten out of a six-year relationship and wanted to get back into the dating scene. She told me she wanted to find romance again. "I'm not getting any younger," she joked.

She told me she was not looking for, in my terms, a "booty call," but a friend or a companion to go grocery shopping and to spend time with. For her, this was the time to get over all of the hurt of the breakup with her boyfriend and start over. She said craved a life partner who would give her the love and attention she deserved. Since I was the one with the computer at home, I was the one who was going to help her find that special someone, online.

I became a woman with a mission. We created a personals ad account for her on craigslist, which was the only one I knew about. Within a day we had about 20 e-mails from different men in the Bay Area ranging from 45 to 65 years old. Some sent photos and others requested my mom's photo first before sending theirs.

My mom met them selectively. But over the course of a few weeks, she was going out every other night of the week. At least she wasn't at home watching the same "Paris By Night" DVD for the millionth time.

My sister and I had to do most of the computer work for my mom because she doesn't have computer and Internet skills. I sat there with her and typed out her entire profile. I responded to the e-mails for her and translated what she dictated to me. She would sit there with me trying to think word for word what to say in what we call Viet-lish, broken English with large doses of Vietnamese splashed in.

Surprisingly, the whole process created a kind of female bonding experience between us. We had fun going through the profiles and pictures. Even my little sister was in on the bonding, typing for my mom when I had to deal with my other work.

We only met one of the many men my mom went on dates with. Although we did not have to meet the rest of them, we still had to deal with the constant phone calls and e-mails everyday. It got to the point where every time the phone rang, we knew it wasn't someone calling for me or my sister, but some guy for my mom.

After a few more weeks, my mom decided to go back to dating through her friends. I think the large quantity of men responding became too much. And really she's looking for quality. I'm actually relieved she's decided to go the off-line route. It sure is a whole lot less maintenance on my part, and she's happy just being back on the scene, which makes me happy. Despite our hectic online management schedule and the occasional annoyances, knowing my mom was feeling desired again made me feel great. Seeing her smile because of her admirers was a great feeling too, and something I hadn't seen in a long time.

Other Readings of Interest

• Love Vibe-R-Asian
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• Love Asian American-Style: Valentine's Day Readings Special
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Thuy Ngo, 22, is on the staff of Silicon Valley Debug (www.siliconvalleydebug.org).