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China Adoptee Families Ask: Why Celebrate Diversity?Member of Families with Children from China talks about theme for adoption conference in Philadelphia
When I was in first grade and learning to write “cursive”, the teacher looked up from my page and announced, “Barbara is left-handed, and she has the best handwriting in the class!” “Left-handed compliment” aside, I connected my “difference” with being special-- standing out in the way most of us want to be outstanding. Interesting that many years before, my left-handed mother came away with such a sense of shame about being different that she taught herself to write the “right” way, i.e., she switched hands. The subtle and not so subtle messages we absorb from our society as we are growing and developing can have quite an impact upon us-- and in the busy lives we feel the need to embrace these days, we often have no idea what the consequence has been for an off-handed remark. We complain about the demand for “political correctness”…all those cumbersome rules about non-offensive language to the many diverse groups that make up our land. But perhaps it is because we do not embrace, at our deepest levels of consciousness, a true appreciation and respect for differences. Perhaps, in our press for “sameness” and easy, “boxed” explanations, we cannot allow ourselves to be truly open to another’s experience. What can penetrate those defenses and move us to that genuine moment of understanding-- that is my quest! While I recognize that “enlightenment” still eludes me, I believe that the life-changing moment for me was the adoption of my two daughters from China. When I became a first time parent, all I could see was the wonder of this beautiful creature who started life in a faraway land and I frequently pondered the miracle that brought us together as we were meant to be. As time passed, and I moved beyond all the curious attention that her exotic beauty would generate, and she could articulate some of the questions that had been formulating in her mind it seemed, for years, she pointed to all the blue eyes in our family…and I began thinking again…Wouldn’t it be wonderful for this special child to have a member of her family who also had beautiful, dark, almond shaped eyes? Someone who would have birth roots from the same faraway land….someone to add to the warm, safe place that is family? It was when our youngest joined our family that the questions somehow avoided earlier now began in strong force. People innocently ask if the girls are “real” sisters-- a powerful curiosity that seems to short circuit even the most educated person’s judgment. And, of course, these questions would be far less likely if the girls did not wear their “culture” on their lovely faces and, thus, boldly communicate that ours is a family created through bonds of love……yes, adoption. So, we of “difference” bond together for support. We develop workshops to assist our children with their “differences”…race, adoption, to name a few. But the focus tends to be “teaching” the individual to handle society’s limitations. While I’m all for “stress inoculation”, I think society has some work to do as well. That’s part of the reason why we should celebrate diversity.
As a psychologist, I have often thought that we are so busy dealing with the consequences of emotional injury, there is little time to devote to its prevention. And prevention requires reaching out to the masses and communicating the lessons of respect and honor in a method that slips beneath the defenses and reaches the soul. Society’s children develop in response to so many converging influences that it is impossible to understand them all. Yet, it is clear that even the most attentive parents cannot alone counteract frequent assaults upon the building blocks of a child’s positive identity. Despite your political beliefs, it truly does take an enlightened village to raise a healthy child. So, you ask, why create a day for the celebration of diversity? For our children…for all of us…to hold onto what makes us all special -- our capacity for empathy and our desire for connection -- Let’s sing out the songs, dance the dances and, most importantly, really listen to one another. Sister Mary Manulita, my first grade teacher, would approve of our movement toward “standing out in the way we all want to be outstanding”.
Other Readings of Interest @ AAV
If you would like to add your voice to Barbara's and help support "Adoption Brings the World Together: A Celebration of Cultural Diversity" please contact: Barbara Keane, PhD; Phone: (215) 340-1899 Email: bkeane@fcc-dv.org. Vendors with multi-cultural products, organization supporting diversity and corporate advertisers/sponsors would be welcomed. |
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